In Defense of the Nintendo 64 Controller

Nintendo's research and development did not look good in the 1990s. After being evicted from the Nintendo PlayStation, Sony went on to create the Sony PlayStation.

Nintendo's top-selling item was a nuclear bomb-proof calculator (Game Boy), the Virtual Boy died of dysentery, and the Philips CDI existed to defy God. With the Bit Wars hanging heavily on their shoulders, Nintendo's future was uncertain.

That's a lie because Nintendo's research and development team opened a Four Loco and paved the way for the Nintendo 64, one of their most bizarre and needlessly complicated systems ever. 64 for the bits, Nintendo for Nintendo. "It was better because it had more bits than the PS1," most likely said Lance Barr.

With titles like Super Mario 64, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Donkey Kong 64, and South Park 64, the N64 was Nintendo's first excursion into a completely 3D console and swiftly became the preferred choice for parents looking to divert their kids from their upcoming divorce.

I never had an N64 growing up because my parents were still together. Still, I was always fascinated by its distinctive design: the outdated feature of using cartridges to playfully 3D games, the enormous sum of money required to purchase games and accessories, and—most famous of all—the N64 Controller.

The Nintendo 64 Controller

Unfun fact: Super Mario 64 was not built with this controller. I apologize for starting off on a negative note, but I had to make it clear that this controller had no actual purpose or objective other than to "I dunno, make it for 3D games." And they most definitely did.

First and foremost, we have exhibit 1: The "M" design, or trident, was intended for three arms. Why? I'm not joking when I say it's there because Nintendo designed it to give players a choice between analog sticks or the D-Pad, which requires hand placement changes. Unless you are a controller manufacturer after 1996, this is impossible.

The analog stick is the second exhibit. The palm destroyer. When Nintendo developed what may have been the worst D-Pad system ever—one that relied primarily on friction—they did not mince words. And one that, as time passed, became increasingly more crunchy until the damn thing just wiggled in place.

The same analog stick—a long, rough piece of plastic — so badly bruises every 7-year-old's palm that Mario Party owners can receive a complimentary pair of gloves. Since I can't get them on eBay anymore, I wonder how much that cost. Additionally, it is the only N64 analog stick that offers a complete range of motion and 100% accuracy on the platform.

The C-buttons are in Exhibit C. The emulation scene was rocked by this one addition for decades. Like the GameCube, should they be mapped to the right stick? Since the D-Pad is essentially useless without mapping them, should it be used? Should the remaining face buttons be smartly assigned to them? Would we be too perplexed if Nintendo put another stick? Did they thank people?

I have no idea how to answer any of them (except the GameCube section, where they did a fantastic job mapping the Zelda 64 things). Although the layout resembles that of the Sega Genesis, it essentially functions as a camera or a backup set of contextual buttons, similar to those found in Majora's Mask and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

After making these strange controller choices, one thing comes to mind: "I understand, but it also makes me need to take an anti-acid." Nick, the author of Retro Handhelds and the de facto controller specialist, encapsulates the controller in two words:

Although it featured several clever concepts, the design and timing were constrained. The Z button served as the original "trigger." Outside of nostalgia, there's no compelling case for using one in 2024. "Finishing My Coffee" by Nick

A Strong Argument for the Nintendo 64 Controller 

Joe, what do you mean? You explained why it's terrible in a whole essay. You're correct, too. Despite this, I only use this controller for all vintage Nintendo systems, except the Super Nintendo. Why? Because I'm a fool, who gives in to nostalgia easily. Additionally, the controller includes several excellent features.

While playing Nintendo Switch Online, I realized that the incredibly underutilized D-Pad is among the best Nintendo has ever made. It feels fantastic and is a nice size—possibly even better than the Super Nintendo.

Furthermore, the arrangement of the A and B buttons creates a sense of harmony between holding the controller and utilizing only those buttons. Although the controller does not have a Select button, it does have a Start button. And that's all you need for the majority of titles. Considering the L&R buttons, the same is true for the Game Boy Color and Advance.

I may also be a moron, but I firmly believe that this controller remains the most excellent method to play N64 games, especially since the controller was designed to fit the games rather than the other way around. GoldenEye has always been awful, which is why it is still terrible.

Because of the accuracy of the analog stick and the mapping of the C-buttons to the C-buttons, this controller is your best option for navigating the goofy control system in games like Star Fox, Zelda, and even Super Mario 64. However, avoid doing a mapping check for the NSO controller on Steam Deck at all costs. The most significant error I've ever made.

Wrapping Up

Let's face it: are you tempted to grab your Xbox Series Elite 2 controller when the sulky, naive child in you wants to explore objectively poor 3D precursors? Or will you aim for your recognizable trident, an objectively faulty 3D precursor?

Since the controller may be used to play other Nintendo retro games with OEM controls, I recommend purchasing the NSO controller. Alternatively, 8bitdo offers a Bluetooth mod kit that makes your current controller more PC-usable.

I spent three hours setting up my Steam Deck to work with the NSO controller for the Zelda ports because the default mapping on the PC is a complete nightmare unless you go out of your way to get proper driver support. However, the additional buttons and rumble are great additions for hotkeys and the like. I adore my rumble pack inserting device, a dumb three-arm with a horrible analog stick. You ought to as well. Otherwise.